September 14th, 2005

Tags: inkubus sukkubuus - supernature Subject: Hermes Time: 06:42 pm Current Mood: giddy

Hermes moulted successfully! I'm so proud of him! He's still all soft and scared of me though. He hides every time he sees me, but I was able to catch a few glimpses of him just now! It all started Sunday, and since I was at Colin's, I had to separate the cage in two because I didn't have the iso tank with me, and I didn't want Artemis causing trouble. Then Monday I had to drive back up here, and that was scary because I was afraid it would be too stressful for him... so I got some new shells and put Artemis in iso because I didn't wanna touch Hermes. He didn't do anything until this morning, when I woke up he was on his back. Before then he had just laid in the same spot with the old exoskeleton blocking the front of his shell. I put him upright and now he is coming out of his shell a bit. YAY Hermes!

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April 22nd, 2005

Current Music: Voltaire - Dead Girls Subject: Grape Nuts Time: 12:07 am Current Mood: silly

Colin: You know what cereal I hate? Me: No, what? C: Grape Nuts Me: Eeeww C: Yeah, that stuff is like, demonic. My dad eats it. And he's a pastor. Me: Maybe he eats it to fight the devil or something. C: You don't fight the devil by inviting him into your house. Me: Well, does he eat them outside? C: I don't know, I've never... uuuuhhhhhh... What kind of question is that?

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April 19th, 2005

Current Music: Lacuna Coil - Falling Again Subject: bored bored bored Time: 11:18 pm Current Mood: artistic

argle bargle I'm bored as fuck. I need a friend. A friend at school. To play with. PLAY WITH ME! I'm whoring for attention, I know. But, my contacts with people the past few weeks have mainly consisted of the random people in class whom I don't know and won't make an effort to actually talk to, and the random people in the dining hall... I love being alone, but I'm tired of it. I miss home where Colin and fun people to play with are. I just don't wanna go home and be with mom... gah. I'm cross stitching a dolphin pattern. It looks good. I might actually keep it for myself this time. Unless I get it done by Mother's day, along with something else I have to start REAL SOON (when it comes in) for secret mission... me and my secret missions...

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April 15th, 2005

Current Music: Cold - Whatever You Became Subject: Email conversation... Time: 12:24 pm Current Mood: blank

I had this conversation with my mom yesterday through email: Mom: Are you coming home this weekend? Me: No. Mom: That's a shame. The grass needs to be cut, the yard raked, the house cleaned, and the basement swept and sealed. ***Now, I don't mind helping, really I don't. But does it seem not really right that she is trying to get me to come home and see her just so I will do ALL of the above and she won't have to? It's like that every time I go home, and I get a bit tired of it... oh well. I get new glasses today, once I get off this computer and take a shower so I can go get em. I'm gonna be super hot. Also I dyed my hair again, it's blue-black now. I like.:)

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April 11th, 2005

Current Music: Bella Morte - All I Have Subject: Michael Stone Time: 01:43 am Current Mood: exanimate

Michael Stone died last week. He was a student of mine 5 years ago, but it doesn't seem like it's been that long. He had just turned 16, and was showing off for some girls following in a car behind him when he ran flat into a tree while going too fast. He was dead by the time the cops got there. I would have liked to go to the funeral, but I found out too late and the funeral was already over. Michael played saxophone, and I helped him a lot after school and all. He was a great kid, so full of energy. He loved lacrosse. From what I heard, he was one of his high school's star players, and he coached at a summer camp. I don't know why his life had to be taken, I just know it was... I also know I'll not soon forget him. He touched my life, and many others as well. May the gods be with him.

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April 4th, 2005

Current Music: Your Love is Sweeter Than Wine - Black Tape for a Blue Girl Subject: stuff that I should have written about in the recent past. Time: 02:37 am Current Mood: touched

While at Red Lobster this past Friday night... Colin: Don't you think those things are just plain ugly? Me: What, babies? ...he was talking about onesies... I got to kitten sit this weekend with Colin. He got a PSP, that was fun. Also we finally went to the Amish Farmer's Market, but they didn't have beef jerky so we got a buncha candy and stuff instead. Bought lots of CDs. Well, he did. I bought some last weekend. I got Voltaire: Then and Again and both Rock Against Bush albums. He got Black Tape for a Blue Girl: Halo Star, Inkubus Sukkubus: Wytches and Vampires, something by L'âme Immortelle, two Bella Morte albums, and I wanna think something else too. woohoo music. of course he shared with me;) I have to get my car fixed this week. I've needed to for some time, but I was partly afraid of the cost. So last night I couldn't sleep and Colin was already asleep and the kittens were nowhere to be found (i.e. not in bed with us) so I figured out that I could sell my trumpet if I had to in order to pay for my car... but it turns out most likely all I need is a tire rotation/balancing. Even if I need all new tires it's not gonna be as expensive as I originally thought. So, that's good. Just means I gotta get my car back into Mr. Tire... and sit there forever and wait again... but then my car won't shake when I drive. It's funny, some people buy vibrating seat covers for their cars, but mine does it automatically. of course, it also vibrates your hands, feet, and everything else. My hair needs to be dyed again. I was thinking blue (think electric blue) cuz I thought that would be fun... but now I'm thinking blue black would be ok to do. It sounds fun, and not incredibly outrageous. Besides, Colin said I looked hot with black hair. Yay. Maybe I'll do that this week or something. I have enough free time now... I have an appointment with the eye doctor on Friday, I don't remember what time but I wrote it on the calendar at home so I can get mom to tell me. I'm excited, I get new frames!! I think I want black. I've done silver, and I've had gold forever, and I just want something new. Maybe smaller, too. I dunno. We'll see. Oh... court went well last Monday. I got my fine knocked down to $17, plus $23 in court fees. All in all, $40 is better than the $75 that I was originally charged. While I was there, I saw a guy who had gone to high school with me. Spencer. He didn't get off so easy, which sucks for him. It also sucks to run into people you haven't seen in 4 years because you both hafta go to traffic court. Ah well, it's over. And hopefully I won't hafta deal with it again. My sleep schedule is severely fucked up now. I manage to go to bed decently about half the time. Last tuesday night I didn't get to sleep until 6:30 am. Not so proud of that... And now, it is approaching 3am, so I think that means bed. At least, getting in bed. Hopefully sleep too. I like sleep. yay.

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March 30th, 2005

Subject: There's a mouse in my house Time: 03:56 am Current Mood: distressed

Ok ok so, I couldn't sleep so I was playing Insaniquarium. I was pretty tired and about to go to sleep when I see something moderately large and brown dart under my door and go behind my air mattress (which is leaning against the wall). I get scared and go to the mattress and push it a bit, to make sure I'm not imagining things. I wasn't. What appears to be a large mouse/small rat darts underneath my desk. Well, I didn't want to kill it, but I couldn't get it out myself so I run downstairs to the boys. I find three of them awake (It's about 3 at this point). They come up to help me, saying that a few guys had seen a mouse before spring break. Greeeeaaat... So they can't find it, but they assure me that it probably went into the air conditioner to escape cuz it's scared. I trust them. Now I'm all awake, and I go to the bathroom and throw all my trash out just in case, and I come back and resume Insaniquarium. I think I see it again on the other side of my room. That startles me awake again. I know it's just a mouse/rat/whatever, and I know it won't hurt me, but do mice climb beds? I think they can. I used to have pet mice... but that was different. This is a wild diseased mouse/whatever. Maybe it's an alien...;) Anyway, I think it is under my bed somewhere if it actually is here, and I heard something fall, which coulda been a box of shit shifting on it or something. As much as it would be a relief to find the thing dead, I really don't want that. The poor thing is scared and all, but it's been living here for weeks apparently... I put in a maintenence request, but we all know how well the last one of those I did for a pest turned out. That's right, it took them 10 months. So anyway, it's not that I'm afraid or anything, well maybe I am, but more just on edge. Also, mice are noctornal... I'd be happier if it was daytime. So yeah, really, I just can't sleep at all now, and it's past 4 am. Luckily I don't have class tomorrow, but still I should have been asleep hours ago. If I had been, none of this would be bothering me. I guess I should try and sleep or something, I dunno. Only thing is, if I hear a noise, it'll jolt me back awake. At least it is not a big slimy bug. eeew. Right now, I can't tell if I can hear it squeaking or not. I think I just imagined it. Come on mousey, leave. Go somewhere else. I dont want you anymore.

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March 11th, 2005

Current Music: VAST - Pretty When You Cry Subject: longest week ever Time: 01:38 pm Current Mood: tired

So this has been the longest week ever! I can't keep track of what day it is. I'm still sick, and slightly delusional (maybe because of fever?) I somehow only missed 3 classes this week though. On Wednesday I went to the New Music Ensemble concert here on campus, and I started throwing up during the middle of it, so I had to leave. I don't know if I can get credit for going or not, but I'm going to try. Last night I went to Peabody with Amanda and Kristen to see "The Alien Corn". it's a new opera that was premiered. Very weird. Kristen described it as Dead Poet's Society, but replace the kid who wants to be a poet with a kid who wants to be a pianist. I've never seen that movie, so I'm not sure but from what she said it makes sense. Today I get to go see Colin and we're going to the Dorchester County outdoor show. yay? probably. I just am not sure if I'll make it home. I really don't know if I can do a 90 minute drive, and then if there's traffic... I feel drunk. Very drunk. My runny nose has stopped and I still have a cough, but mostly now I just feel drunk. Room is spinning a bit and all that. Maybe if I take a nap before I leave it'll help. I really don't ever remember feeling this bad, not for this long anyway. It's killing me. Colin is mostly better I think, and he said if I didn't feel up to it we didn't have to go tonight, but I don't want to let him down. I guess we'll see.

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March 7th, 2005

Current Music: Fox news on TV Subject: I love Colin. Time: 10:47 am Current Mood: sick

Yesterday he was sick... so I took care of him. Then I left to come back here at 7:30, WAY earlier than the usual 11 or so, just so he could get some sleep. While I was driving he sent me the sweetest text messages saying thank you and he loved me and he missed me already... I love that guy. Of course, now I'm sick, with nobody to take care of me, but it's ok, at least I was able to be with him yesterday.

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March 3rd, 2005

Subject: changes Time: 02:44 am Current Mood: accomplished

Still couldn't get to sleep, so I updated the look of the page. Wow what a great thing to do instead of sleeping... And since I have had this journal for almost a year now, I decided it was time to say goodbye to the froggies. so after a great deal of consideration, hello gothboy. He had some of the cooler animations. :)

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Subject: prolific thoughts from the mind of one. Time: 02:14 am Current Mood: awake

Sometimes, I look at myself, and wonder what I have become. I am very proud of the fact that I am actually portraying my true self now, at least most of the time. I have lost a lot of people in the process, but I know they weren't worth my time. I have also gained quite a few. However, in my quest to be "ME" and to gain the knowledge that I so thirst for and practice the beliefs I am proud to call my own, I have completely screwed myself over sleep-wise. Note the time. Lately it is always ay least 2 when I can force sleep to come, often closer to 3am. It doesn't make waking up at 7 very fun. I have come to terms with it for tomorrow. A day full of sitting in class and then a lesson which will suck ass no matter what I do... not worth it. I am so ready to move on. I feel myself pulling at the reigns more and more each day. I want to be on my own so badly I can taste it. I know I have one more year in this hell-hole I call Towson... not that the city itself is so bad, just the school and about 99% of those who attend it. Some may say I've grown bitter. My answer is that I always was. Back to what I was saying. I want so much to have a place of my own next year, a place where I won't have to put up with these immature little pricks of freshmen. I have Colin's as a respite on weekends, but that is not enough anymore. Maybe I am looking at this through rose colored glasses, but I just know inside of me that things would be so much better if I could get away. I want a place of my own, and a teaching job... if that is really what I'm meant to do... I want to get married, and I want to not have kids, and I want to be happy. I want to prove that I am capable of all those things, but so far life has shown me that the cards are stacked against me, and I can never really have what I want. I should count myself blessed for what I have I suppose. Someone wiser than me in this aspect told me that life is like this, that you can get ahead for awhile, but it will all be taken from you and you'll have to start all over. I guess I'm in one of those phases now. I finally am able to look in the mirror and see myself as beautiful (at least the face) I just wish that the pictures I've been trying to take of myself would convey that as well. If I ever get a good one it will definitely go on myspace because my pics there suck ass as well. Seeing myself in this light is a big step. I am happy for that. I want to please someone. I want someone to look at me and say, "hey, good job. You really put your all into that, and it shows." I feel like the only person I have that truly cares about me is Colin. Is that so? I'm not sure. I'd like to think no. I think more than pleasing someone, I want to go a week without pissing someone off. Someone who supposedly matters. First, I have to make it a day. That is also hard. This entire week I have been bitter. Living this double life of mine is taking it's toll, and I need a rest. Again, I should maybe count myself lucky, but living all week with my heart somewhere else has lead my mind to follow. Perhaps lack of sleep is a factor as well. Perhaps I have now come full circle in this rambling.

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March 1st, 2005

Current Music: Voltaire - The Vampire Club Subject: what started out as bad Time: 09:20 pm Current Mood: yet content at the same time

Last night I talked to Colin on the phone until about 12:30. After that, I wasn't really tired but I wasn't going to count on school being delayed this morning so I attempted to sleep. I lay in bed until about 1:15 or so, when a bunch of people in the hall were being loud and obnoxious, and as much as I hate to say it, typical black chicks that I really can't stand. No, I'm not trying to be racist. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. Anyway, I gave them a few minutes to shut up and they didn't. I was pissed. So, I did something maybe dumb. I stuck my head out the door and asked them something to the extend of "could you be quieter or move go somewhere else because you're being fucking annoying and some of us are fucking trying to sleep in here." This one girl says yeah and I get in bed. Just as I thought, a minute later they still haven't quieted down. I again try to be sort of nice and give a few minutes. After that I decide my first approach was harsh so I go out and apologize for being rude and say I would really appreciate it if they would respect the other people who live here and quiet down. A minute later they run to my door and start yelling right at it. I see that Toussaint is online, so I ask him if he can take care of a noise complaint for me or do I need to call the front desk and if so, what is the number. He says he'll do it if I give him 2 minutes to put on clothes. YAY problem solved. In a few minutes he comes up and quiets them down. I know they're mostly his friends too, so that kinda sucks but hey it's his job and it was about 1:30 at that point, way past the 10pm quiet hours. After that, I can't sleep. I thought about watching an episode of The Shield since Colin bought season 3 and left it here for me to watch before season 4 starts... but I just lay there. Good thing was I finally was able to meditate a bit. I think I fell asleep somewhere between 3:30 and 3:45. I woke up at 6, checked my email, and found out Towson was opening at 10. so yay, no class til 12:30. Went back to sleep til 10, watched an episode of the shield and got ready. Then I walked up to the Recher to buy a ticket to the (hed) P.E. show on Thursday so I can go with Colin, Jason and John. I'm just happy they weren't sold out cuz the guys already had tickets, so it woulda sucked for me. I came back, chilled a bit, went to lunch and contemporary, then my lesson... I get there, Sara says Jackie can't come on Thursday because she had to leave town. That's ok, because she was supposed to come today... she rescheduled my lesson last Thursday because she didn't want to drive in the snow, but apparently then she remembered that she had to leave town. Sara says she doesn't know if Jackie will come today or not, we should give her a few minutes and why didn't I talk to her. "Because the three of us set this up last Thursday and I figured I would have been told if something came up." So she didn't come, and now it's MY responsibility to find her and reschedule. grrr. so that's that. I don't see where it's my responsibility but whatever. I came back here, watched the shield, took a nap, fooled around, emailed Kele, went to dinner, and then to class. And, that's been my day. ooh ooh ooh I might go to the MSI concert in DC on april 11th if Colin decides he wants to go since it's on a Monday :)

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February 27th, 2005

Current Music: Bella Morte - The Rain Within Her Subject: My journal Time: 10:25 pm Current Mood: awkward

This is my journal. Please remember that. Anything I say here is for me. If you read it, great. Keep this in mind: anything I say about a certain "type" of people is a generalization. If I want to tell what I thought was a funny story about something that happened to me and my take on it, I will. It is not meant to offend anyone. I realize that i might have done that with the past entry. In my defense, it was a generalization about a group of people from what I saw happening. I was not laughing at anyone solely because they were Christians. It wouldn't have mattered what religion or anything they were. There was more to the story that got left out because of time constraints in me typing it. I have no problem with the house of God, just the furniture in it. I am actually glad the boys at Fuddruckers had something they seemed to believe in so greatly. Do I think that there is something better they can believe in? yes. Something worse? oh yes. It's a good thing to have beliefs, just not when you throw them in other people's faces. That hurts. And yes, I have done it. I'm not saying these kids were. That being said, this is my journal. I hate having to write disclaimers for my own thoughts and feelings. If you dislike it so much, don't read it. Also, do not take anything personally unless your name is attached to it. Which, it won't be unless it's good, I assure you.

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February 23rd, 2005

Current Music: KoRn - Justin Subject: The Great Fuddrucker's Christian Migration of '05 Time: 08:11 pm Current Mood: full

On Saturday, Colin and I were in Salisbury and decided to eat at Fuddruckers. Ya know how they have trivia questions and if you're the first to the bakery with the correct answer, you get a free cookie? I always am too lazy to get that cookie but I always seem to know most of the trivia. By the time the third question was announced, we were eating dinner. "What were the names of the three children in 'Roseanne'?" I say the answer and Colin asks if I want the cookie, he goes and wins the contest for me. Yum, that was the best cookie I think I've ever had. All warm, the chocolate chips were still meltey... yum. The next question is, "How many people were on Noah's Ark?" It was so cute, about 5 or so little Christian boys run as fast as their little legs will carry them to the bakery hoping to get the cookie for Jesus. One of these "boys" must have been at least 16 and towered over everyone else by at least a foot. Of course, when he put his 6 fingers in the air he was the one to win. Poor little Christians mope back to their tables with heavy hearts. At the table behind us, the parents were upset because they thought little boy hadn't been paying attention in Sunday School. Well they reached their seatsjust as the next question was announced. "What is the last book in the Bible?" Oh my, I have never seen so many Christians move so fast before. Not even to get communion on Sunday morning. It was great. All the same boys run up to the bakery with joy in their hearts because their God had not forsaken them afterall. Of course, Colin and I being the good ex-Christians we are, we knew both the answers... but what was great is we were laughing at the boys so much neither of us saw who won. Personally I hope it was the little Christian cubscout boy. He was really quite pudgy and couldn't move as fast as the others, but he looked like he would enjoy an ooey gooey cookie. The best part of it all... Just about everyone else in the restaurant was staring at us because of our rather loud and obnoxious comments (which I didn't realize at the time were quite so loud) of "Look at the little Christians run to satisfy their sweet toothes!" and the likes. and, a good time was most definitely had by all. (or at least Colin and I... and the cookie winners;) ) In other news, I found out today that Head became Christian and left KoRn. So sad... that he left, of course. And now, I am off to watch the worst TV show ever... Simple Life Interns. But, Mythbusters is after that so its all good. Unless of course, I hear penguins... then I shall come back

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February 17th, 2005

Subject: CDs I want. Time: 07:29 pm

Couldn't think of anything to write, but this is the beginning of a list of CDs... (for use as reference to me and anyone who wants to gift me with, well, gifts) ;) Green day - American Idiot The new Inkubus Sukkubus CD (came out in Feb. 2005) the Manson CD of interviews Holst - The Planets Saint-Saens - Carnival of the Animals Smetena - The Moldau and other stuff Beethoven's 9th or other symphony Haydn stuff Ibert stuff - especially flutey stuff Wagner - Ring Cycle (yes I want all 16 hours of it) Flute stuff that I don't have. (Tomasi! Anything with Reinecke - Ballade on it Devienne ("it's like easy listening of flute!") something played by my man Emmanuel Pahud (except "Paris" album) stuff by my other men Galway or Rampal I also like Eugenia Zuckerman :)

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February 16th, 2005

Current Music: Dimmu Borgir - Vredesbyrd Time: 09:49 pm Current Mood: refreshed

I met with Jackie. It went well. She said maybe for my recital in September, but she is going away a lot in August so we will have to get our schedules straight and also set up rehearsals WAAAYYY in advance. Whatever, that's cool with me. Also I gave her the Devienne, so she was happy cuz it's mega early and has an easy piano part. She remembered the Reinecke so that's good too. Um.... Reading for the classroom (Sped 2) is retarded. Seriously. Mrs. McCoy (oh boy... what a joy... more like what a fucking pain in the ass) gave us this project today, in groups of 3. We had like 20 minutes to prepare, and nobody understood what she wanted. She just gave us this packet of information and said we had 6 minutes to use the internet. What?!? gah. Adam came in and taught a lesson, that was really cute. I don't know what the purpose was though. Ummm.... Mark gave me a 90 on my teaching at Loch Raven, only because I stupidly forgot to define "range" which was what I was teaching... cuz I was nervous or something, I dunno. Either way, I'm happy with that. I got a 95 on the midterm project for sped 2... happy with that too. And, I finished my sociology project 1 tonight, but I had to ask my mommy for help. She liked that;) But then she found out I got a speeding ticket. She didn't like that. Actually, she didnt care. Just teased me because it is one more speeding ticket than she has ever had. I am going home to see her tomorrow, so all will be well. Then I get to see Colin... which will be much better. So for the first time since I moved back in here um... almost 4 weeks ago, my room is ALMOST clean. Wow. I need to be better about that. I was hoping Colin would come up this weekend to give me an excuse to clean it all really well but he isn't and this is me so... I'm being lazy about it. At least I'm keeping up with all my schoolwork, thats a good thing. I had mussels on Monday and it was sad, I couldn't eat them! They looked so alive... they were in my paella. Anyway, the shells have been sitting on my desk since then. I am gonna break one in half and make half of it a new water dish for the crabs so they will have both a sponge and standing water. I don't know what to do with the other ones. When I told Colin about the mussels, he said he liked them... "I always thought they tasted like Mr. Clam meats Ms. Oyster" it was cute. I will agree on the taste, I just have a problem eating animals that still look like they did when they were alive. That's pretty much all with me. I've been happy for the most part. Also I'm reading alot, trying to enhance my spirituality. It's cool, I keep finding things I believe in these books. Helps me know I'm doing the right thing. The gods have been good to me and especially lately I am truly coming to see that. Oh by the way, I really like Dimmu Borgir. I didn't really know that til I started listening to the album Colin gave me. It's good stuff. Very musical. It's kinda metal band meets brass. haha. but awesomely cool. They look awesomely cool too:)

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February 15th, 2005

Current Music: Type O Negative - My Girlfriend's Girlfriend Subject: my week or something like that Time: 06:04 pm Current Mood: blank

So, there's something I wanted to do. I was told no today because I am apparently too fat. And short. I love discrimination. Can I go kill someone now? Gah. On the bright side, Colin and I celebrated Valentine's weekend... yes a whole weekend, it was great. I love Midieval Times. Our knight (Green) didn't win, but he was still kick ass. On Saturday, we were gonna hang out with Liz but we hung out with Candice and Holly instead and drank girly drinks. Jason came over and got scared cuz we were all watching the dog show on TV... hehehe. I love those people. Why can't I have people like that at college? I had to give music to Jackie this morning, and I knew she'd be done Amy's lesson at 11. So, I waited outside Sara's studio for like 10 minutes to give her the music, and then Sara saw me outside the door and shut it and I really got the feeling they were talking about me. Seriously. Then finally I gave the music to Jackie and I wanted to check on our rehearsal for tomorrow cuz on the phone she said that would be fine since she knew the piece and just had to refresh her memory. Well, she had me down for next Wednesday instead of tomorrow and then bitched at me cuz I said I wanted to meet with her earlier. I was even saying it didn't have to be tomorrow, it could be later in the week, possibly even next Monday. Gah. Oh well at least I gave the music to her finally. I know Sara kept bitching at me because I was taking too long, but honestly, I have 5 weeks left. That is MORE than enough time in my eyes. Granted, yes, I have to talk to her and figure out if she can play my recital, but still, not a big deal. Maybe I don't make enough of things like that, but I think some people make too much. I feel overwhelmed with the stuff I still have to do before I can graduate, and all of it is stupid stuff. I just get the feeling I'm gonna fail at something somewhere along the line and I won't be able to graduate. I hate that feeling. I need a hug. I have to go to class tonight:( Still, I'd rather have a night class than a class several times a week. Much easier on my schedule this way. I'm gonna be smart tonight and bring a floppy disk cuz I read the assignment ahead of time and that's what it said to do. I hope people forget and then I'll feel smart. I like to feel smart;) Actually, I don't hope people forget, that's mean. But I know people will. :)

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February 7th, 2005

Current Music: Reinecke Ballade (...in my head from this morning) Subject: damn these fucking mood swings Time: 09:21 pm Current Mood: blah

So someone just said something to me, and I completely flipped for no reason and I don't even know why. It wasn't important or anything, it just kinda screwed up my studying plans but not really. But I just got so upset... I do this all the time and I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish I could get better... it sucks. With as happy as I am, it's like I just can't stay that way... So to that person, I'm sorry. I know nothing was meant by anything said, I know it was just a statement, and I'm sorry I took it the wrong way. I'm sorry I didn't understand everything and assumed. grrr now back to finding a way to kill the night...

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Current Music: Within Temptations - Caged Subject: My life is an endless circle of waiting for the weekend Time: 06:06 pm Current Mood: cheerful

ermmm... Friday I went home, and we just kinda chilled all night. I cleaned the kitchen even though it was John's week... because I knew he wouldnt do it and because Colin was in the shower washing the dye out of his hair and I needed something to do. We had a really good dinner, but I don't really remember what it was. boo. Oh yeah, tempura shrimp and fish sticks. I know we stayed up til like 2 but I cant remember anything from that night it seems... boo again. Saturday, went to breakfast, and then went to Toddville for mega visiting with Colin's family and to get superbowl food from Colin's dad. Played some Fatal Frame. That is one of the coolest games ever!! It was really scary though... I think it's gonna stay scary for the rest of the game before. Like, really scary. Dustin, Catrina, and Byron made space paste and wrecked my nice clean kitchen, they're so retarded... grrr. Oh dinner was taco things and nachos. Sunday, watched that special on Pompeii that was on discovery channel last weekend (yay tivo) and went to Jason's Superbowl party. Jason is all excited about his high def TV that he got last week, I think every other sentence out of his mouth was something about watching something in HD. Kinda obnoxious, but whatever, it's Jason. He also kept trying to get me to drink more since he bought me a 6 pack of smirnoff... but since he was too cheap to buy me a taxi back to Towson... yeah. I went back to Colin's and watched Simpsons and American Dad, fell asleep during the latter, and came back here and was in bed by 2. So I managed to be the only chick at the party, which I actually thought was cool (well except when J.'s mom and grandmom stopped by for halftime foods) I really enjoy hanging out with those people, even though I still tend to wanna be alone a lot too. I'm getting better I spose. This morning I had a lesson at 10... poopy but it was good actually. All in all, a very good weekend:) Now I just gotta get all the contemporary crap done and work on my sociology project and wait for Friday again. Man, I really wish just once I didn't have to leave at the end of the weekend, that part really sucks. boo.

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February 4th, 2005

Current Music: Stabbing Westward - How Can I Hold On Subject: lighter Time: 11:53 am Current Mood: gloomy

I lost my lighter. Since last night, it's gone. I'm all sad now:( On the bright side I just washed more purple stuff into my hair and I'm about to go to Patuxent for a mozzarella sandwich:) woot I like the gloomy frog. And I am gloomy because no candle. boo.

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